operation have a gay friend backfired
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
