Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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