We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
