so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
