He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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