I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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