you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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