can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
