i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Randomize
