they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found a bag of teeth...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
