I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
