how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
