O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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