my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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