So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
