New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
