she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk is not a location!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
