You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
