This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
