You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
