It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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