he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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