In America we eat man semen.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
