No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
