yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
