She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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