If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
