How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
