i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
