Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
