so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
