I think my fart just growled at me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
