we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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