why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
