this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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