i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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