He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
