Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
