Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
