So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
