you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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