I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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