I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
