Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
