Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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