Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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