There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
