I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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