he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
