the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
