I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
