it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come share oat with me in your robe
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
