there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
