I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
