dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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