I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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