Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
